Abbott and Costello
(Scene starts with Lynn Sr. and Rita sitting on the couch watching TV.) TV: Join us again for another episode of man bites dog. (Lynn slides down the banister and leaps in front of them.) Lynn: Perfect landing. Hey, would it be okay if I invite my hockey team over? I want us to talk game strategy in person. Rita: What about your chat room? Lynn: You never know who might be monitoring it. Rita: Sure sweetie. Lynn Sr.: I don’t see why not. (Lynn hugs her mother and then her father.) Lynn: Thanks guys, you’re the best. Rita: Well, I’m going to go work in the garden, call me if you need me. (Rita leaves the room.) Lynn Sr.: So, I hear you got a good team this year. (Lynn pumps her arms while she talks.) Lynn: Oh yeah, I’m an excellent shot and with Nobody in goal, we’ll be taking home the championship this year. Lynn Sr.: Wait, nobody’s you goalie! Lynn: Yes. Lynn Sr.: Then who guards the net? Lynn: Nobody. Lynn Sr.: Then you don’t have a goalie? Lynn: We do have a goalie. Lynn Sr: But you said nobody’s your goalie. Lynn: That’s right. Lynn Sr.: Huh? Lynn: Nobody’s the goalie. Lynn Sr.: So, who stops the puck from entering the net? Lynn: No, Who plays left wing, Nobody’s the goalie. Lynn Sr.: I’m not talking about the left wing, I’m talking about the goalie. Lynn: And I keep telling you that Nobody plays goalie. (Lynn Sr. eyes start spinning.) Lynn Sr.: I think I need to lie down now. (He rushes to his room. Lynn just shrugs and heads for the kitchen. She opens the fridge and looks around, only to be disappointed.) Lynn: Dang it, out of sodas! (Scene shifts to Rita working in the garden, Lynn walks out of the house and grabs her bike.) Lynn: Mom, I’m going to get some more sodas. If my team comes, let them in and tell them to make themselves at home while I’m out. Rita: Okay Lynn. (Lynn hops on her bike and pedals away. Time passes, and four girls approach the Loud House. Rita quickly notices them.) Rita: Hi, you must be Lynn’s hockey team. Girl 1: Yes. Girl 2: I hope Lynn doesn’t mind, but our goalie’s running a little late. Rita: Well, Lynn’s gone to get some sodas, but she said she’ll be back soon and to make yourselves at home. Girls: Got it! (The girls enter the house and turn on the TV.) Girl 4: I’m going to get a snack. (The girl walks into the kitchen as Leni is getting some juice.) Leni: Hi, you must be on Lynn’s hockey team. Girl 3: Yes, I play defence. Leni: I’m Leni, Lynn’s sister. Could you tell me your name? Girl 3: I-Don’t-Know. Leni: That’s no big deal, I used to have trouble remembering my name when I was your age. I-Don’t-Know: What are you talking about? Leni: You said you couldn’t remember your name. I-Don’t-Know: No, I told you my name. Leni: Then what is your name? I-Don’t-Know: No, she plays right wing. Leni: Who plays right wing? I-Don’t-Know: No, she plays left wing. Leni: Who does? I-Don’t-Know: Yes. Leni: I’m totes confused. I-Don’t-Know: I thought I explained it well. (I-Don’t-Know grabs some chips and walks out of the kitchen while Leni just stands around looking confused. Scene shifts to upstairs as the second girl walks out of the bathroom just as Lori exits her room.) Lori: Hi, you must be one of Lynn’s teammates. Girl 2: Yes, I play right wing. Lori: I’m Lori, what is your name? What: That’s it. Lori: What’s it? What: My name. Lori: What is your name? What: Yes, that’s it. (Lori starts to look a little irritated before calming down) Lori: I think I might have misunderstood you; can you please tell me your name? What: What. Lori: Your name? What: What is my name. Lori: That’s what I’m literally asking you! What: But I told you my name. Lori: What is it? What: And that’s right. Lori: What is right? What: Yes. (Lori takes some time to calm down.) Lori: Okay, I am literally going to ask you this one more time; what is your name? What: And you keep saying it. Lori: What? What: My name. Lori: You haven’t told me your name! What: What is my name. (Lori’s face turns red as she storms down the stairs while What watches and shrugs. Scene shifts to the garage where Luna is practicing her guitar. The first girl walks by to listen to Luna’s practice.) Luna: Hi, my name is Luna, Lynn mentioned that her hockey team’s coming over. Girl 1: I’m the left wing. Luna: So, you wanna tell me your name? Who: Who. Luna: You, I’m asking for your name brah. Who: Who. Luna: What is your name? Who: No, What is the name of one of my teammates. Luna: How should I know? Can you just tell me your name? Who: Who. Luna: Dude, stop referencing the band and tell me your name! Who: Who. Luna: What is your name? Who: No, she plays right wing. Luna: Who does? Who: No, I play left wing. Luna: I know that! I just want to know your name! Who: Who. Luna: Dude, you’re driving me insane in the membrane! (Luna storms off as Who watches her. Scene shifts to the third girl who’s sitting on the couch. Lincoln enters.) Lincoln: Hi, you must be one Lynn’s friends. Girl 4: Yes, I play defence on her hockey team. Lincoln: Would you mind if a play a game? Girl 4: No problem, nothing’s on TV anyway. (Lincoln takes out a game and the girl eyes light up as she sees it.) Girl 4: Is that Space Raiders V? Lincoln: Yes, with all of the DLC. Girl 4: I love that game! Lincoln: It is multiplayer, so you can play with me if you wan to. Girl 4: Thanks. Lincoln: By the way, I’m Lincoln, could you tell me your name? Girl 4: Why. Lincoln (confused.): Because I just wanted to know? Why: Why. Lincoln: Well, I told you my name, so I figured it would be polite to tell me your name. Why: Yes, that is polite. Lincoln: So, what is your name? Why: No, What is the name of the right wing. Lincoln: I don’t know! Why: She plays defence with me. Lincoln: Who does? Why: No, she plays left wing. Lincoln: Who? Why: Yes. (Lincoln’s face turns red and steam comes out of his turkey tail.) Lincoln: On second thought, I think I’ll go read a comic book. (Lincoln walks up the stairs just as What comes down.) Why: That was weird. What: I know, I was just talking to one of Lynn’s sisters and she got mad at me for no reason. (I-Don’t-Know enters.) I-Don’t-Know: Well, she did say her family was a little weird. (Who enters.) I-Don’t-Know: So, did you meet the musician? Who: Yes, she seemed rather quick tempered. Why: I know, her brother was like that too. (Lynn Sr. enters and counts the girls.) Lynn Sr.: Lynn Jr.’s right, the team doesn’t have a goalie! Who: We do have a goalie. What: She’s just running a little late. Lynn Sr.: But Lynn said Nobody’s the goalie. Why: That’s right. I-Don’t-Know: Nobody’s the goalie. Lynn Sr.: So, does anyone stop the puck from going in the net? Who: Nobody does. Lynn Sr.: So, you don’t have a goalie. What: We do. Lynn Sr.: Who is your goalie? Who: No, I play left wing. Lynn Sr.: I’m not talking about you, I’m talking about your goalie. What is her name? What: No, I play right wing, What is my name. Lynn Sr. (getting annoyed.): I don’t know! I-Don’t-Know: Here! (Lynn Sr. takes a deep breath.) Lynn Sr.: Okay (points to Why.) what is your name? Why: No, What is her name. Lynn Sr.: I want you to tell me your name? Why: Why. Lynn Sr.: Can you just tell me your name? Why: Why. Lynn Sr. (points to I-Don’t-Know.): Can you tell me your name? I-Don’t-Know: I-Don’t-Know. Lynn Sr.: Then tell me her name? (points to Who.) I-Don’t-Know: Who. (Lynn Sr. screams in frustration and runs back into his room. Scene shifts to outside the house. Lynn returns with a case of soda when Luna approaches her.) Luna: Dude, I need you to tell me the name of your left wing? Lynn: Who. Luna: Your left wing. Lynn: Who is my left wing. Luna: Woah man, we’re going ‘round in circles, tell me will this déjà vu never end! (Lori enters.) Lori: Lynn, I need you to literally tell me the name of your right wing. Lynn: What. Lori: Who is your right wing? Lynn: No, she’s my left wing. Lori: Who is? Lynn: Yes. Luna: So, who is your left wing? Lynn: I keep telling you guys that. Luna: What is her name? Lynn: No, What is the name of my right wing? Luna (getting annoyed.): I don’t know! Lynn: That’s one of my defence girls. Luna: Who’s one of your defence girls? Lynn: No, Who plays left wing. Luna: I don’t know! Lynn: She plays defence. Luna: What is the name of your defence girl? Lynn: I keep telling you she’s my right wing. Lori: Let’s change the subject, maybe you could tell us the name of your other defence girl. Lynn: Why. Lori: Is it so wrong to ask? Lynn: No, it isn’t. Lori: Then who plays defence? Lynn: No, Who plays left wing. Lori: Don’t start that again! (Nobody enters.) Nobody: Hi Lynn, sorry I’m late. Lynn: It’s no problem, I just got back from Flip’s myself. I think the others are waiting for us. (Lynn, Nobody, Lori, and Luna enter the house and see Luan chatting with the other girls.) Who: Hey, you made it! Luan: You must be Nobody. (Lynn Sr. rushes in.) Lynn Sr.: Wait! Her name is Nobody? Lynn: That’s what I told you. Luna: So, your teammates are named Who, What, I-Don’t-Know, Why, and Nobody? Who: Yes, we all told you that. Lynn Sr. (to Luan.): And you figured it out? Luan: A good comedian knows when she’s in the middle of a joke. Lori: (sighs.) At this point, I literally don’t care anymore. Lynn and the hockey team: Oh, she’s the coach. Category:Episodes